That's Life

2011-02-18T21:10:00.002+08:00

junda118@livejournal.com

And the reason why you can't see anything isn't because I haven't posted anything but because I've set all my entries as private. That means you have to add me as a friend on livejournal first!

2011-02-16T20:35:00.000+08:00

Should've known better when you came around, that you were gonna make cry.

2011-02-15T02:12:00.001+08:00

Everything was going fine until I stopped trying to convince myself that I didnt't like you.

2011-02-13T17:03:00.002+08:00

I think you're pretty without any make-up on,
I think you're funny when you tell the punch-line wrong
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down.

2011-02-12T00:47:00.002+08:00

You know you're pretty much hooked, lined, and sinkered when you start hoping every message you receive is from that same person.

2011-02-04T02:46:00.001+08:00

It's ridiculous the hold you still have over me.

London

2010-10-23T06:32:00.003+08:00

hellos from london!

finally settled in properly. and some I, Me, Myself time. school's not fun at all. but it's the weekend, so here's some music. Don't listen more than twice though. Emo to the max.

missing char kway teow.

2010-10-15T01:50:00.001+08:00

Dear you,

I'll never be the same,
if we ever meet again.
Won't let you get away,
if we ever meet again.

Love, me.

I saw this on my friend's blog and I found it well, interesting.

2010-10-15T00:49:00.003+08:00

I feel quite sad now.

School really isn't what it's made out to be. It's just a seemingly unrelated bunch of modules thrown together to make up the week.

I miss JC life quite terribly. I've finally discovered the importance of having a form class. Even though it means you see the same people for 2 years, it also means that you become really good friends with them. They were the ones who made my JC life so wonderful and memorable.

Since the people in all my classes are different, perhaps I'm expected to be a social butterfly and make acquaintances with everyone. But I'm not that kind of person and perhaps never will be. I can't walk up to someone and make small talk; it just feels unnatural. I still believe that 1 good friend is worth more than 10 acquaintances but now it seems that I can't even find 10 acquaintances to start with.

I've always tried to avoid emoticons but I give up. And I'm listening to Rachel Yamagata's Quiet now, which in my opinion is the most depressing song in the world. :(

2010-08-14T01:19:00.001+08:00

My perfect present is in the past.

2010-08-11T12:53:00.001+08:00

Don't listen to this more than three times in a row.

2010-08-09T21:45:00.000+08:00

Eason Chan is the king of emo songs.

2010-08-03T08:33:00.002+08:00

It's all fucking irrelevant to decide whether or not to check, raise or fold when the pot I really want is from the previous round.

2010-07-26T00:10:00.004+08:00

I thought I'd try to test the water to see if things were still the same. Apparently they still fucking are.

The phrase which CYJ said to me such a long time ago still keeps ringing in my head - 'you never really get over someone, you just try to move on', with the key word of course, being 'try'.

It's like a part of me is still stuck in Nov 09.

2010-07-23T16:49:00.001+08:00

You have to fight for what you want. But how do you fight when you don't know what you want?

Moving On...

2010-07-21T00:52:00.002+08:00

Well, with 4 weeks left of work and 2 and a half months more to London, it's clear where my priorities are now. Time really flies...UK Student Visa Application has been refused and it has been very frustrating for me, now have to reapply, pay additional application fee, request for CAS number all over again, and with only a few weeks more to get it settled. Stress... I think we really take a lot for granted in Singapore. Uni app for local Unis in comparison are so straightforward and simple, and everyone's having fun at various orientation camps now. haha jealous. Imperial's Sojourn will only begin 27th Aug so that's still a pretty long month to wait, and I can't wait... New friends, new beginnings.

That said, I guess I will miss a lot of Singapore, especially after the surprise birthday bash that a lot of my friends attended.

Work has been pretty much the same, except that i took part in something that have never done before. Singing Competition! Didn't win but it was a fun evening at Tampines i felt. Fellow interns have left, so have been rather lonely at lunch, but there have been new interns who joined. Sadly, i dun think we'll have enough time together to forge close friendships even though they are all very nice people.

Hopefully the next four weeks will be smooth and i can look forward to a long awaited month-long rest before i head to london. And hopefully Visa can be gotten over and done with! grr...

Anyway, an obligatory MV from me. A nice song i heard recently.

Tonight by FM Static, can't find it at Kbox though.

btw phang, don't get too emo pls even though the lyrics might remind you of...

2010-07-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

I know it's really bad when I have given up on talking about things because I know I'll end up repeating myself like a broken record player. Which isn't all that strange considering my memories are playing like one.

I think I might want to stay away from Kbox for a while. It might sound absolutely ludicrous but the MVs actually rake up my memories and emotions. There're a couple of those videos which really resonate within me but I shall refrain from naming them.

I've also begun to appreciate the literal meaning of 朝思暮想, especially the latter half of this phrase. I've been more or less dreaming about the same things, with the only variation being in the details. The feeling of hope dissipating into heartbreak is plain fucking AWFUL. On a side note, I'm sure any psychologist would have a field day dissecting my nightly escapades.

2010-07-08T12:18:00.002+08:00

This was in my iPhone ever since I first synced the music library. But I only listened to it for the first time two days ago.

I find it really heartrending. Which is strange I know, considering the upbeat melody. But I've always been more of a lyrics than music person.

This song is practically the musical version of what you told me.

2010-06-26T16:40:00.001+08:00

Your perspective.

2010-06-17T14:02:00.002+08:00

If I were a superhero, I would like the ability to travel through time.

If I were a wizard, I would like the ability to see the future.

But I'm only human, so all I can hope for is the abillity to make better decisions.

2010-06-14T04:35:00.002+08:00

I think I might have over-done the coffee. Can't get to sleep now. In fact, I feel pretty darn energetic right now. Which is not ideal considering it's 5 in the morning. Complete contrast from yesterday when both Mervin and I were trying to stay awake. It was so bad I think we ended up watching a quarter of the match at most hahaha.

2010-06-12T01:30:00.001+08:00

I'm really counting on the World Cup to bring me back.

ROCK ON!

2010-06-10T23:17:00.002+08:00

my friend passed me this video of a female singer 管罄 trying out Jam Hsiao's 王子的新衣. best i have ever heard other than original.

not perfect. some parts were off slightly but still, it's a hard song to do and it's live. so kudos to her! she has alot of talent.

back to glee finale!

Of vietnam, rules, cello and work

2010-06-08T23:31:00.005+08:00

This post is long overdue since i have been back from vietnam for almost a week.

all in all, Hanoi trip was pretty fun. got to spend 4 days with 3 friends from jc and we had fun poking jokes at one another, mostly directed at one friend (yiliang). but kinda like the good ole days when u have practically nothing to worry about, except probably how you are gonna get that extra half mark from Tan Lai Lin for the Biology test you took the previous day. and there were nice aunties and uncles who were part of the tour, and we felt pretty much at home, coz they are all pretty much very SINGAPOREAN, the typical way. shant go into details but suffice to say, they are very Singaporean in both the good AND the bad ways.

the most important lesson i took home from Vietnam was the importance of having and enforcing rules and regulations. Most of the Vietnamese just very distinctive blatant disregard for rules that were set. Traffic, for instance, was horrible, if you think Bangkok (pre-Red-Shirts-demonstrations) traffic was bad, Hanoi roads ll beat them hands down. Crossing the Hanoi roads just means having trust in that the motorcyclists swerving left right centre, wouldn't knock into you. else, you'll never be able to cross the road. and traffic was just one part of Hanoi not following of rules. Sometimes Singaporeans really complain too much about rules and regulations that are in place, and fines, but we often forget to think about what is gonna happen on the other end of the spectrum, if we don't have any strong enforcement of rules -- utter CHAOS. So let just count our blessings that we are born in Singapore. Well, I was feeling really good about being Singaporean right until i started trying to squeeze onto the town-bound train at 8 am the following morning when i was going to work again. the same morning rush was as always horrible, and it must have been the ten thousandth time i am complaining about that. cant really kick the singaporean habit of incessant complaining too i guess. hah~

and on the side note, i broke my cello on Saturday. :( had it since i was secondary 3, seven years already, and it has served me well. so since i can't bring it to london come september, its casing strap has decided to come loose causing it to tumble down the stairs while i was on the way home from orchestra practice at rjc. probably will have to use the school cello for my last concert in July with Raffles Alumni CO before leaving for UK.

OCBC contract's coming to an end. just 2 months left minus leave so i will try starting to adapt to being a student all over again. who wants to mug together? must have forgotten 80% of my chemistry

*and i hope i wont get into trouble for my vietnam comments... haha, i am guessing readership for the blog isn't high enough for any political backlash ala Danish Cartoons...*

Mervin

Sticks and Stones may break my bones but Words may break my heart

2010-06-05T21:15:00.005+08:00

Your achievements only serve to make my failures more apparent. Hearing about them from someone else just reinforces this juxtaposition. And the fact that it was just a casual remark made it even worse.

2am and the rain is falling

2010-06-02T02:00:00.003+08:00

'When we had so much in store, tell me what is it I'm reaching for.' This is a line from Leona Lewis' 'Yesterday'. And sometimes I do wonder just what we would be like now if we were still together. Would things be much better or would they have been as bad? It is of my opinion that with the your main source of stress gone, all the frustration that marred our last few months together would have evaporated with a simple 'time's up'. In many ways, it wasn't just your burden; I bore a lot of it as well. I thought I did a good job of sharing it with you but retrospect always brings new insights and now I can clearly see that that was as far from the truth as possible.

Maybe we'd have had many more outings like that Sentosa trip. The zoo, the bird park, musuems, overseas trips even. Unhampered by time constraints, we'd probably have had some well-deserved couple time together and that would have done wonders for our recuperation from the epic fights and arguments that threatened (and eventually did) to tear our relationship up. There's even the possibility that we would have had a second honeymoon period, only it would have been better because we would have been much closer. I still remember all the hopes and aspirations we had actually. How we talked about how we wanted us to be in the future.

No wonder Whittier says that of all the saddest words of tongue and pen, the saddest are 'what if'.

On a side note, the best place to belt out emo Chinese songs is not at karaoke but in the shower. It's difficult to capture the mood anywhere else.

2010-05-28T02:58:00.003+08:00

At this very moment, I've finally understood just how much those hugs, kisses and words of encouragement must have meant to you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most.

2010-05-24T22:01:00.002+08:00

Twitter is just Facebook on crack. Really, it's just another platform for all us narcissists to indulge in our self-centredness. Which is exactly why I signed up for it. One week ago.

But I haven't posted one single tweet yet. That's because I just realised that it's all going to be about the same old things so why bother?

2010-05-24T13:16:00.004+08:00

It's funny how Long Kuan and I always start waxing philosophical when we're tipsy. I don't think we were drunk, I think we just saw things from a different perspective under the influence of alcohol. Questions that we normally didn't think about, or didn't spend more than a couple of seconds musing over, just popped up. And we just answered them straight-on, without any side-stepping or beating around the bush. Probably was the booze that made us not give a shit anymore. And the night. It's really quite nice just sitting around under a blanket of darkness where everything else is quiet.

Of course, the next morning, which happens to be NOW, always turns out to be a bitch. When the effect of the alcohol has worn off and the stark realisation that everything which bothered you is still around and was just pushed away from the mind for one night sets in, you just feel like shit.

Long Kuan's solution is exceedingly simple - get more beer and chips. I'd second that actually but this time I'll throw in some hard liquor to mix.

Isn't it spiffy when you're the architect of your own regret?

Passion Run!

2010-05-24T00:01:00.002+08:00

Did a 25 km run yesterday evening at East Coast Park. PASSION RUN! Not an easy run, the route wasn't easy but at the end of it all, it was satisfying really. completed the run in 2hr33min, pretty decent i feel, and my knees aren't aching too badly, unlike standard chartered marathon last time round, 42km was really a killer then. Dying to join another run some time soon. any interested parties to run together?? I also went for a crystal jade xlb buffet at holland v right after the marathon. Was practically feasting after the endurance run i had. Haha!

I picked up running actually only in JC2. At that point the time, my main motivation was to pass the dreaded NAPFA test. i was almost a whooping 80kg then, and i couldn't pull a single pull-up. i can't remember which PE Teacher it was (coz we changed too many) but he said i ll need to lose some mass to be able to do pullups, and best way's to start running. so i did just that and cut 15kilos to my current 65kg frame, eventually i passed my NAPFA and had a deduction of 2 mths of army to serve. But little did i expect myself to fall in love with running thereafter.

i looked forward to most of the PT runs i had during army days (except those way too early in the morning and those in heavy full combat gear). Obtained Gold standard for IPPT 2.4km run at 9min45s and subsequently joined outside runs like Army Half Marathon, StanChart Marathon, Passion Run.

running actually helps me calm down sometimes and forget a lot of my worries/troubles. some of you might find it hard to believe but i actually feel refreshed and happy after every run i have on Wednesdays weekly after work and that actually helps me last through the long tiring workweek.

And it's horrible monday again. so let us all pull a long face and start the week. Anyway, here's to the song i had on my MP3 when i crossed the 25km finishing mark on Saturday!

奔 by Stefanie Sun! She rock

~Mervin

2010-05-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely give this song another listen
Close your eyes, listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah, I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl, someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good, we'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah, I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away, I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall, we'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
And we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way

Delilah I can promise you
That by the time that we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do

You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

You always felt better after listening to this song. I wonder if it was because my singing was so bad it made you laugh or because the song was really nice. I think it was both.

2010-05-19T13:29:00.003+08:00

I know this wasn't what we wanted,
I never thought it'd go this far.
Just thinking back to when we started
And how we became what we are.

I really ought to channel my energy to more useful things. Arghhhhhh.

Some days I miss you a lot; some days I miss you a little. It's not really a question of whether I do; it's more a question of how much.

2010-05-18T00:43:00.003+08:00

The irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, loving the wrong person at the right time and finding out that you love someone right after that person has walked out of your life.

Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love. Love was always present, just that one was loved too much and the other was loved too little.

Brother Trouble

2010-05-15T12:20:00.002+08:00

I just can't understand how is it that it is a fault of mine that he screwed up his CTs. So I am supposed to be devoid of all social life and report back home straight after work daily to tutor him, if not i am a darn selfish and irresponsible older brother! yes, those were the exact adjectives you used.

i am not that used to swearing but what the F*** is the logic behind this. i have my own life to lead, and he's responsible for that 7/30 he scored for Chem, not me??!! and if working from 9am-7pm and meeting up with friends for 2-3 hrs thereafter, means staying out everyday and treating home like hotel, i pity all working class people out there.

pardon me again.

f***

ok. now that i let it all out. thing is, i felt like shit for the past couple of days and had actually knowingly or unknowingly pissed some people off. so very sorry to whoever i ignored or irritated, even though i guess they won't be reading this apology. but at least i ll feel better after apologizing.

so anyone with similar sibling troubles? younger siblings in particular? i know phang calls his youngest brother "small bugger" hah!

sleep does wonders by the way. i slept all the way till 11.30. refreshed and ready to go. happy birthday to ming sing too, if you are gonna read this! i ll probably post another message on facebook later. no one reads blogs nowadays, but i guess it makes them more personal too. phang's suggesting a password for the blog so we might be having one soon... till further notice.

i am starting to like this addition to every blog post so here's the song that reflects my current mood.

王八蛋

enjoy.

~mervin

2010-05-13T15:18:00.003+08:00

These are the results of a personality quiz I did just now.

Openness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 31% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who dislikes needless complexity, and prefers the familiar over the unusual. You might say that you are more conservative than many, but not to an extreme level, and that you value practical outcomes over flighty imagination.

Conscientiousness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 8% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is impulsive and whimsical, and fine with it! From your responses it appears that you would say that sometimes decisions need to be made quickly, and that you make them quicker than most! You would say you are zany, colourful, and just generally great fun to be with... as long as someone isn't relying on you to get some work done.

Extraversion
This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 11% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Your answers describe you as someone who doesn't need lots of other people around to have fun, and can sometimes find that people are tiring.

Agreeableness
This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 11% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is willing to make difficult decisions when necessary, and will point out when something is wrong no matter what other people might feel. Your responses suggest that you would say that you can be tough and uncompromising.

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)
This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 99.2% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who tends to be more self-conscious than many. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can find it hard to not get caught up by anxious or stressful situations. You might say that you are in touch with your own feelings.

These are the results of the personality quiz I did in February 10.

Openness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 16% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is down-to-earth and prefers things to be simple and straightforwards. You might say that it just makes life easier if things don't change unnecessarily, that the arts are of no practical use to you, and that you think tradition is more important than others do.

Conscientiousness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 16% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is impulsive and whimsical, and fine with it! From your responses it appears that you would say that sometimes decisions need to be made quickly, and that you make them quicker than most! You would say you are zany, colourful, and just generally great fun to be with... as long as someone isn't relying on you to get some work done.

Extraversion
This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 11% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Your answers describe you as someone who doesn't need lots of other people around to have fun, and can sometimes find that people are tiring.

Agreeableness
This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 8% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is willing to make difficult decisions when necessary, and will point out when something is wrong no matter what other people might feel. Your responses suggest that you would say that you can be tough and uncompromising.

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)
This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 95% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who tends to be more self-conscious than many. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can find it hard to not get caught up by anxious or stressful situations. You might say that you are in touch with your own feelings.

These are the results of the same quiz back in December 08.

Openness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 16% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is down-to-earth and prefers things to be simple and straightforwards. You might say that it just makes life easier if things don't change unnecessarily, that the arts are of no practical use to you, and that you think tradition is more important than others do.

Conscientiousness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 1.5% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is impulsive and whimsical, and fine with it! From your responses it appears that you would say that sometimes decisions need to be made quickly, and that you make them quicker than most! You would say you are zany, colourful, and just generally great fun to be with... as long as someone isn't relying on you to get some work done.

Extraversion
This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 24.2% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who prefers low-key social occasions, with a few close friends. You might say that it's not that you are afraid of large parties; they're just not that fun for you.

Agreeableness
This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 3.5% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is willing to make difficult decisions when necessary, and will point out when something is wrong no matter what other people might feel. Your responses suggest that you would say that you can be tough and uncompromising.

Emotional Stability
This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 94.5% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who tends to be more self-conscious than many. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can find it hard to not get caught up by anxious or stressful situations. You might say that you are in touch with your own feelings.

http://apps.facebook.com/mypersonality/index.php?who=568078335&ref=4

2010-05-13T00:32:00.002+08:00

Finally something half decent to come out from our shores.

I'm just lambasting the English music scene; the chinese one is good.

2010-05-12T21:44:00.006+08:00

Is compatibility a conscious choice or an invariable consequence?

This is not a rhetoric. I'm really curious to know what everyone thinks.

你走了太久一定很累
他错了不该你来面对
离开他就好就算了心情很干脆

他其实没有那么绝对
远一点你就看出真伪
离开他不等于你的世界会崩溃
转个弯你还能飞

就别再为他流泪
别再让他操控你的伤悲
就算有一点愚昧一点点后悔
也不要太狼狈

他不值得你的泪
把那遗憾留在大雨的街
你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追
以后为自己醉
以后管他是谁

每段感情都非常珍贵
他的好你就放在心扉
记得有个人曾让你那样的心醉

你笑了照亮夜幕的黑
什么梦都不比你的美
多少年以后想起他还有些体会
那些你已无所谓

Music

2010-05-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

I promised phang that i ll blog about the jamming session i just had with my colleagues after work today. It was the first time for all of us, so all the instrumental parts were pretty screwy, and singing was quite novice. I couldnt hit most of the high notes, voice even cracked at quite a few, also missed a couple of song entries, but all in all it was a fun and high session for us that allowed us to destress after a long day at work. At the same time, we were bidding farewell to one of the fellow interns who was having her last day with the bank. After all, it has been a gd 1/2 yr at the bank together. Time really flies.

Work can be quite depressing at times, but i guess it's all about choice. Kinda like the half cup full half cup empty thing or optimism vs pessimism that phang mentioned in his previous post. We can choose to keep complaining and lamenting that job sucks, that pay's low, that working hours are freaking long, that crowded peak hour trains are irritating. On the other hand, we can choose to try find fulfilment from work (quite difficult to) or look forward to end of the day, where fun and laughter with friends and colleagues begins. Been working since Dec last yr and i guess i wouldnt have survived for so long, if not for the various after work activities that we (ie the group of interns) will plan from time to time. From badminton to weekly wednesday night city runs, from kbox-cum-drinking sessions, weekday night movies to jamming sessions.

The thing about choice is that it's important that we follow through with whatever choice we make with no regrets. Even if we have to drag our tired minds and bodies to run after work tomorrow, we complete the planned route. And reward ourselves with a Subway meal after the run.

I am looking forward to tomorrow night's run, even though it has gotten pretty routine, and cliche as it may sound, on to a healthier lifestyle and work-life balance!

I am definitely gonna miss this bunch of colleagues coz we had so much fun together. Most of their contracts complete at end-june while mine is only gonna end end-August, before i head to London. thinking of the extra 2 months at work w/o the group of them makes me depressed. oh well shall think about that only when the time comes.

Anyway i mentioned alanis morisette in my last blog post and i am feeling obliged to post one of her emo songs up. kinda fits the post-jamming-low mood that i am currently in. withdrawals symptons are kicking in, and my throat feels sore!

Uninvited (live -- brillant perf)

Mervin~

2010-05-11T12:51:00.010+08:00

It's the choices we make that define who we are. And I think I made a huge mistake. Because if it was the right choice, why does it feel so wrong?

Fuck.

I realise I'm quite a difficult person to get along with. I suppose it was tough enough with all the meanness last time but it must be even worse now with all my mood swings. Since a picture speaks a thousand words, I might as well paint one now. Only I can't paint so I'll describe - I look like I just enlisted. So imagine the Phang of old without the wit and sarcasm and with plenty more reticence and depression. And nope, just in case any of you is wondering, I'm not trying to make myself out to be pitiful or vicitimised; it's just that this is my blog (well at least half of it is anyway) so it's my prerogative to write whatever I want to.

Perhaps you might wonder why I'm so pessimistic. Look on the bright side of life. For your information, the guy who sang that song committed suicide. Anyway, everyone is wired differently. Many things in life are relative. Without pessimists, there wouldn't be optimists. If everyone saw the world through rose-tinted glasses, we'd have to reset the benchmark for neutrality. A guy who's trapped in a cage with tigers and believes he'll get out alive wouldn't be considered optimistic. It would take a guy who is tied up with ropes and trapped in a cage with tigers and lions which hadn't eaten in days and surrounded by snipers who still believes he'll get out alive to be considered optimistic.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate people telling me what I should do but knowing what should be done and doing what should be done is a completely different matter. Contrary to popular belief, I am fully aware that it is not possible to travel back in time, although my words and actions sometimes belie that fact. And yes I am fully cognisant of the fact that dwelling on the what if's won't change a thing and will do me more harm than good but somehow I still tend to engage in such hypothetical analyses with myself. I've come to the simple conclusion that I still have not accepted reality. Deep down, there's still this sliver of hope that the past 6 months didn't really happen :/ The dreams I've been having every night have only been serving to augment this stupid notion. Boy, this is certainly starting to sound like prime fodder for some psychological study.

Most of you wouldn't really have understood what happened then and wouldn't have known me well enough to put two and two together. So perhaps you've given up and now think that it's a better idea to let me wallow and languish in the mosh pit of sorrow that I dug for myself and I'll get out once I'm tired of it.

I feel that I owe a debt of gratitude to my friends, especially two of them. The comforting phone calls at ungodly hours of the night and beverage sessions which saw me mutter incoherent rubbish and break out into song were very much appreciated. That, on top of the innumerable occasions when I felt like absolute shit and your calls and messages made me feel better. I know it wasn't easy hearing me go on and on about the same old things (there are only so many ways I can ask the same old questions and phrase the same old feelings) but your resilience was admirable. I suppose all I wanted was a listening ear and I'm glad you had the patience to sit through it. And it wasn't exactly for a short period of time so I'm all the more grateful.

Maybe one day I'll look back on all this and reflect on what a dumb fuck I was for 6 months. For now though, I'm reflecting on what a dumb fuck I was for 3 weeks. I remember all the sacrifices you made for me; the memories are playing over and over in my head like a broken record player. Even though you didn't deserve all the bullshit I put you through, you still stuck by me because you believed. I miss you terribly. But I've no one to blame but myself really because I chose not to go back while the door was still open.

Here's some food for thought - "You never really get over someone; you just try to move on."

2010-05-09T23:21:00.003+08:00

It still feels like yesterday when we were still together. That's because I've been dreaming about you every single fucking night for the past week. And no, that's not figurative, that's literal.

Here's an interesting thought by the way. Being in a relationship is a little like smoking cigarettes. For the first couple of months, we get high. After a while, it just becomes part of our daily lives. And when we finally quit it, the withdrawal symptoms hit us like a freight train.

All right, now that I've got the mandatory emotional rant out of the way, we can move on to the crux of this post. Which ironically is about this whole thing.

"You definitely know it's time to stop brooding over your broken heart when you start to notice that your friends are ditching you (for some odd reason, analyzing the "break-up hug" for 3 hours a pop seems boring to them)". It's all right really, you can admit it hahaha I won't get mad.

Thank goodness for Mervin who's doing a great job of keeping the blog from degenerating into some platform for me to air my grouses and proclaim to the world that I have the emotional stability of a peanut. Anyway, I flipped through some of the older posts. Readership was still pretty high back in 2006 I believe. It seems eons ago when I was sarcastic, arrogant and basically a jackass. (I'm reminiscing, not beating myself down) I think most people don't read this blog anymore now though. Am half thinking of password encrypting it and giving out the passwords to people who want them.

-

2010-05-09T01:21:00.002+08:00

been a long time since i went back to school. and man! i dun recognize it anymore. i wont say for the better or for the worse. school grounds were pretty barren when we first moved over in 06. i remember classrooms were still w/o aircon and teachers were practically shouting every lesson, trying to beat the noise from the fans and the ongoing construction somewhere nearby. but those were the memories that i would always have of my RJC days and it isnt something that can be changed. toilets have become nicer. hodge's lodge was quite pretty. canteen stalls all have stall names as opposed to stall 1 - 14 previously. nice biodiversity corner, with that waterfall and all the plants ard it. security has been enhanced.

but gone was the personal sense of belonging. it's like telling me right in the face, hey u dun belong anymore. Move on.

oh well. the RJ Chinese Orchestra room was unchanged though for one. and it was a fun afternoon where i met up with my section mates, some of whom i havent met in ages. tried to go through some of the concert pieces and was pretty shocked at the level of degeneration my cello skills have undergone after 2 years. they just ruin everything dun they. haha. oh well. but it was a fun gathering.

have been feeling a little hysterical this few days. it's just one of the moods that'll make a person feel happy or emo within a blink of the eye. sthg like PMS. so i guess this song fits my current state of mind.

but no. Not under influence of alcohol now phang!

星星堆滿天 by Faith Yang PEOPLE!

she has the Asian Alanis Morisette kinda voice. kinda cool. Enjoy!

~Mervin

2010-05-06T20:48:00.004+08:00

I had some free time today so I decided to go cycling.

I cycled the 75/184 - 74 route. I stopped for a while when I reached the place and and took a minute to look at the surroundings. The view of the compound from the vantage point that was the bus stop, the sheltered walkway to the MRT that was surrounded by green barricades and even the perennial crowd of white and blue all looked like they used to.

Something was different though.

And then it suddenly hit me that 3 weeks was a ridiculously long time.

On my way back home, one of my slippers gave way. The strap broke so I had to cycle back with one of my feet bare. It was not fun. Especially considering that my pedals have sharp ridges for better grip.

2010-05-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

Here's another Karen Mok song - [爱]莫文蔚

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_4OPi9CmbY&feature=player_embedded

Um I have no idea how to make the video appear on the blog itself so you'll just have to copy and paste the link.

-

2010-05-06T01:01:00.002+08:00

It's 1 am. and i can't get to sleep.

anyway. a midnight song to share with u guys. Karen Mok just sends this chilly feeling down ur spine every syllable she sings.

单人房双人床

也许你的爱是双人床
说不定谁都可以陪你流浪
你的目光锁在某个地方
你的倔强是一道墙内心不开放

也许你的心是单人房
多了一个人就会显得紧张
想看看你最初的模样
你脱下来的伪装你会怎么放

别说还有感觉
你我都知道我们只能忠于直觉
正因为欠缺所以总不懂拒绝
但又不再愿意为对方妥协

别说还有感觉
你我都知道拥抱不代表亲切
可能是害怕被拒绝不敢直接
还是我们在等下一次的机会
同样皱著眉却有不同的滋味

也许你的心是单人房
但你的欲望却是一张双人床
想看看你真实的模样
你收起来的忧伤你把它怎么放

别说还有感觉
你我都知道我们只能忠于直觉
正因为欠缺所以总不懂拒绝
但又不再愿意为对方妥协

别说还有感觉
你我都知道拥抱不代表亲切
可能是害怕被拒绝不敢直接
还是我们在等下一次的机会
同样皱著眉却有不同的滋味

别说还有感觉
你我都知道我们只能忠于直觉
正因为欠缺所以总不懂拒绝
但又不再愿意为对方妥协

别说还有感觉
你我都知道拥抱不代表亲切
可能是害怕被拒绝不敢直接
还是我们在等下一次的机会
同样皱著眉却有不同的滋味
同样皱著眉各有孤单的体会

i know phang's quite into chinese ballads recently. so enjoy! n i am going to be so dead tired at work tmr. shld really try to get to sleep. night.

Mervin. Another monday

2010-05-03T23:06:00.003+08:00

was dragging my feet to work coz it was a freaking monday even though i was running late. reached office at 9.02 am. did not help that trains were very packed, even w/o the usual students since today's a school holiday. Was cursing and swearing at the back of my head and THEN i heard this over the radio... this soothing song with simple guitar accompaniment by Wang Leehom, that tugged at my heartstrings and i just felt much calmer and relaxed. rest of the day at work was pretty still shitty

i switched on my laptop and started searching for that same song that was lingering in my mind. and i am like currently replaying it over n over now! Phang says that the song's depressing though, after i sent him the youtube link. reminded him of someone somewhere. oh well. here it is.

第一個清晨

光透进来
把梦刷白
舍不得你会醒过来
不要现在
昨夜走太快

说不上来
隐隐藏在胸口一块
吻你脸颊
证明此刻真的存在

是你
让我相信爱对我慷慨
是爱
我们是注定不是意外

这是爱
我们的爱
还不确定却好实在
把你贴在胸怀
静静的代替表白
才不愿放开

这是爱
给你的爱
没名字却停不下来
在忐忑里期待
雀跃中想到未来是你我才明白
这就是爱

beautiful... just made my horrible monday marginally better. to a better tuesday!

2010-05-02T13:02:00.004+08:00

You just had to do it, didn't you?

I know what I did was wrong but I believe I've more than paid my dues; I don't need an audit check from you. I did a good enough job the first time so there's really no need for you to come and break it all over again.

You might think you know what goes on in my head and heart but in actual fact, you don't. You know nothing.

2010-05-01T01:36:00.000+08:00

You shouldn't have done that. It might have meant nothing to you but it threw my mind into disarray.

Not then, an hour or even a day later but two days later. The lag time I experience when it comes to these matters really pisses me off sometimes.

2010-04-18T02:02:00.003+08:00

I highly doubt that I will be able to sleep tonight. And there isn't anybody online to talk to. So I figured I might as well use the time to do something useful and blog.

Went to watch Shutter Island with Suang, Ming Sing and Mervin earlier today. The show was awesome. It wasn't a scary scary show, it was a psychological scary kind of show. The scenes were quite nice, the music was downright creepy and the overall screenplay was decent.

Basically Dicaprio plays a detective who is sent to Shutter Island, an island where crazy criminals are held, to investigate the disappearance of an inmate. As you may or may not already know, Dicaprio is actually the missing inmate. And the whole story is basically a physical reconstruction of the alternate reality which goes on in his head. And there, I'm sure you know now. Hahahaha I'm such an asshole for spoiling the twist.

Went for dinner and drinks at Timbre after that. Had two pizzas; the duck one was quite fantastic. And a couple of drinks. Which explains my current restlessness at 2 in the morning. Alcohol never fails to keep me awake. It's even better than coffee.

2010-04-14T18:13:00.001+08:00

Perhaps I miss you more than you'll ever know.

2010-04-11T22:21:00.003+08:00

It's strange how sometimes you suddenly notice things that have been there all the time. I've noticed that a lot of teenagers drink. Which is quite a duh statement. It's like once people hit 18, they start to discover the joys of the bottle.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not an alcoholic. I've never been able to get high on alcohol; the highest I've reached was lying on the floorboard of the rooftop garden staring at the stars in the sky and murmuring some song under my breath, following which I vomited my guts out twice. Not a very pleasant sight I assure you. And surprisingly, I've never gotten pissed drunk either. Most of the time, I just get tipsy. And I don't really like drinking either because even though I get drunk, I get insomniac as well. I always spend the better part of three or four hours (depending on the amount I drink) tossing and turning in bed, unable to get to sleep after I've had some liquor. I concede that the mind-numbing effects of alcohol have their uses on certain occasions but even then they're half-baked. There's always this little part of my mind that's still functioning when the rest of it is swathed in a sea of haziness where everything doesn't seem to matter and trust me, that SUCKS.

On the other hand, most people are able to get high on alcohol. I've no idea why.

Sometimes I wonder if alcohol is seen as a symbol of coolness. Like, if you don't drink you're uncool. Most people I've asked don't seem to think so though, they drink because they like it and they like the feeling which accompanies it.

Of course, it could just be me. In fact, it probably is. If most people see it as something normal and I see it as something strange chances are my thinking is not in tandem with the rest of my generation.

Ok I confess, I've just had a few glasses. LOL.

New Beginnings

2010-04-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

New Beginnings

Wow wow wow. I haven't been blogging for ages and these all look new to me now. Well I can't remember both my username and password and the only way i could retrieve my acct was through this blog address and an old email address. AND i didn't know we now need a gmail acct to log-in to blogger. Don't remember how to check when my last post was but it has to be 07 or 08 since i don't remember blogging for the whole 2 years of my army life.

Well. i dun think anyone knows who i am, except for a couple of phang's friends maybe, coz Phang has been keeping this blog going (except for his 1 year hiatus in 2009, and we all know what he had been busy with then.) and i havent been blogging. Life has been pretty mundane so far so i thought of keeping a diary or sthg like a diary, somewhere where i can enter my daily ramblings that i might have, about work, friends, family, lunch, dinner, mrt-ride to work, mrt-ride back home, tv progammes, etc etc and decide whether or not to publish them.

so since i titled this post New Beginnings, i guess that warrants a short intro: I am Mervin, an ex-classmate and friend of Phang. Currently doing an internship at OCBC bank. Heading to Imperial College London in Oct. and dormant co-owner of Ph-ang.blogspot.com. Well. so now on to some random ramblings of today.

Work was pretty routine except that it was monday and everyone was kinda moody and slightly sick. I had a sore throat and couldn't stop coughing but it's probably just the monday blues bug as i am feeling much better now, boss and cubicle-neighbour are also down with flu and cough. i guess when you work in air-con conditions, germs just spread around quickly. boss joked that we all missed work too much during the long weekend, so all fell sick together =.='

Quite glad that there are 7 other fellow interns who make my work-life less depressing with jokes and jibes at one another. It kinda makes time past faster. I still have 4 months remaining till the end of my stint at the bank, have learnt a lot so far and hope to learn more. Work nature has started to get repetitive recently and though i know that work in the real working world is bound to get repetitive, it kinda makes me wonder if i would am able to endure and stay in a long-term job in future if i don't have the interest in it. I guess the teachers have been right all along, about motivation of money being extremely limited in our future long-term career choice. We definitely need that passion and fire in whatever we are doing. banking is lucrative, but maybe i am not meant to earn that money, so perhaps i ll just have to watch all the cash flow down the drain.

but like phang said, people do change and adapt. so 5 years down the road, i might still end up a banker, who knows. I think there are bound to be times when one starts to feel exhausted from the daily work routine.

probably a break would be good. something more than a long weekend.

Mervin~

2010-04-04T11:25:00.005+08:00

Disclaimer: This is going to be a long, boring post that will reek of extreme angst and unhappiness so if this is what gets your gander please feel free to close the window. Only I don't think that you will do so because you wouldn't be here in the first place if you were not interested in what I have to say, regardless of the nature of the posts that I churn out. Of course, I might also be flattering myself in thinking that people who are acquainted with me are actually still reading this bullshit, which in truth is quite a long shot, considering that my past ten posts have mostly been one-liners which convey as much meaning as a Kinder Surprise.

I was just thinking about things. Whittier once said, 'For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'it might have been'. Here's your last chance to click the red X at the top right hand corner of your screen before you get lost into this emotional mire which I'm only too happy to sink in. Anyway, back to the point, if there even was one to begin with.

I suppose it'd be romantic to think that you look back from time to time. Maybe you even wonder what might have been if things hadn't fallen apart. Heck, maybe you actually have regrets. Ok I think I'm pushing my luck too far now hahaha.

Honestly though, I do wonder if you've thrown away everything I've given you. My guess is no. But I don't suppose you'll ever look at that pink book the way you used to ever again. It'll probably be stashed in between the books in the cabinet above your writing desk for a long long time, assuming you didn't chuck it somewhere in the deep recesses of your wardrobe already.

I haven't been to the area where you stay in a long time. Perhaps 4 or 5 times in the last couple of months? Which is a drastic decrease, considering I used to go there 4 or 5 times a week. Haven't been to the mall either, where we used to go 3 or 4 times a week.

I think I know how you actually feel though. If I really knew you as well as you once told me I did, it's probably correct. But the key words are 'think' and 'probably', so I'm not going to say it.

Things change though. As do people. To be honest, I quite miss the girl with the geeky glasses who always squinted and scrunched her nose whenever she was concentrating hard, the girl who always wore tee-shirts with cute sayings like 'sing a happy song' at home and the girl who called me ten million times a day just to tell me everything, ranging from the mundane to the exciting to the unique, that was going on in her life.

All right, I think my train of thought just got completely derailed. On the bright side this incongruous post wasn't that emo.

2010-03-26T21:46:00.002+08:00

I haven't felt this way in over 2 years.

It's not just permeating and pervasive, it's fricking grabbed me by the throat. I've tried to wrench those leaden hands away but to no avail. I've tried to wriggle and slip my way out of it but that hasn't worked either. It's like a blanket that seems to be descending upon me, trying to suffocate me. I know I have to break free but I don't know how.

I hate you boredom.

2010-03-17T18:45:00.001+08:00

Somehow my heart still skips a beat when I look at your old photos.

2010-03-08T21:35:00.001+08:00

I'll miss your hugs.

2010-03-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

I think the regret that flows through me everyday is sufficient punishment for my mistake.

I wish you wouldn't hate me.

2010-02-16T14:47:00.001+08:00

你对以往的感触还多不多

曾让我心碎的你,

我对以往的感触还那么多

曾给我幸福的你,

2010-02-01T01:34:00.003+08:00

I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
i will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.
I will not talk to you.

2010-01-31T12:16:00.003+08:00

有多久没见你

以为你在那里

原来就住在我的心底

陪伴着我的呼吸

有多远的距离

以为闻不到你的气息

谁知道你背影这么长

回头就看到你

过去让它过去

来不及从头喜欢你

白云缠绕着蓝天

如果不能够永远都在一起

也至少给我们

怀念的勇气

拥抱的权利

好让你明白我心动的痕迹

总是想再见你

还试着打探你的消息

原来你就住在我的身体

守护我的回忆

2010-01-29T23:36:00.003+08:00

I passed driving today. I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would; the joy I felt was muted. I guess this was exactly the sort of thing I would have called to tell you immediately after it happened. (passing driving not feeling muted joy) I still remember you were supposed to be my first passenger. In fact I think you were looking forward to me passing more than myself hahaha. Last time I had you but no license; now I have a license but I no longer have you. :/

So after that I made a half-hearted attempt to buy clothes for Chinese New Year. My mother has been bugging me to buy clothes but she always refuses to back me up financially. I've kind of lost whatever little interest I had to begin with in shopping as well because nothing caught my eye. I guess it does help when someone tells me not to get another striped polo to add to the stash in my cupboard or forces me to try on something because she thinks it's nice.

Sometimes I still wish you'd be waiting for me outside my house when I come home after a crappy day.

2010-01-29T00:03:00.002+08:00

The adage 'too much of a good thing' is true. Everything in life needs to be in moderation - we can't always fly at dizzying heights and bask in exhilaration and joy and similarly, we can't always wallow in the depths of sorrow and despair. I'm not just talking about the emotional aspects but also the physical ones of course.

Recently, I've developed a sort of aversion to sleep. I know it seems ridiculous, considering that everybody always has too little sleep. Yeah but I guess it's precisely because I have too much time to sleep that sleep isn't a precious commodity anymore. I remember those school days when everyday would be a mad rush and waking up at 615 in the morning was a bitch. Well I wake up at 715 in the morning now and I get the luxury of not turning up at work whenever the occasion dictates that I don't. So I'm bumming around online at night doing zilch.

I've never really heard any of Taylor Swift's songs besides 'Teardrops On My Guitar' and 'Love Story'. Well I heard quite a lot of them today. And I must say that they suck. The lyrics to a few of the songs are fine but the tunes are all messed up. The songs are completely mangled bubblegum pop. Terrible. Give me mandopop anyday. Speaking of which there's only so many times I can go for walks with an ipod. It's getting kinda boring actually. Oh well until I find something else to do.

2010-01-24T13:15:00.000+08:00

I know something's really fucked when I've lost interest in Pokemon cards.

2010-01-23T23:54:00.002+08:00

And we know it's never simple, never easy,
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

2010-01-20T00:28:00.001+08:00

I wonder if you still think about me the way I think about you.

2010-01-19T18:25:00.000+08:00

Writing in my diary didn't make me feel any better.

2010-01-18T00:07:00.002+08:00

有一种想见不敢见的伤痛

有一种爱还埋藏在我心中

我只能把你放在我的心中

这一种想见不敢见的伤痛

让我对你的思念越来越浓

我却只能把你把你放在我心中

2010-01-17T11:28:00.002+08:00

想念是会呼吸的痛

它活在我身上所有角落

哼你爱的歌会痛

看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛

它流在血液中来回滚动

后悔不贴心会痛

恨不懂你会痛

想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了

多爱你就会抱你多紧的

我的微笑都假了

灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候

陪你做想做的无论什么

我越来越像贝壳

怕心被人触碰你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

2010-01-16T21:40:00.004+08:00

I've removed most of my posts that I posted this year. I haven't deleted them, I've just un-published them. So they're still around somewhere.

I'm contemplating starting a diary to pen down all my thoughts and emotions. Things that go through my head and my heart. Where I can really write down everything I feel.

2010-01-16T21:39:00.005+08:00

我怀念的是无话不说

我怀念的是一起作梦

我怀念的是争吵以后

还是想要爱你的冲动

我怀念的是无言感动

我怀念的是绝对炽热

我怀念的是你很激动

求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得你在背后

也记得我颤抖着

记得感觉汹涌

最美的烟火

最长的相拥

谁爱得太自由

谁过头太远了

谁要走我的心

谁忘了那就是承诺

谁自顾自地走

谁忘了看着我

谁让爱变沉重

谁忘了要给你温柔

2010-01-14T18:28:00.002+08:00

Had an absolutely torrid day at work today. I have an ulcer at the back of my throat so it hurts like crap whenever I try to swallow saliva or eat. And for some reason my stomach has decided to rebel today so I feel like hurling as well.

So basically I am depressed as fuck now. Mood is terrible. Not angry terrible but just sucky terrible.

2010-01-07T21:31:00.004+08:00

I read through my old posts yesterday after I blogged. And I realised that my old blogging style was witty, sarcastic, humorous, self-deprecating and basically interesting. Ok maybe i'm giving myself too much credit here but even I myself was amused when I read through my ramblings. Maybe, just maybe I can find my old style back one day. Until then, all of you (on a side note I think I might be becoming schizophrenic because the only person who actually reads this is myself and I certainly do not constitute 'all of you' unless i am more than one person but that would be impossible unless I were schizophrenic in which case I'd be more than one person mentally but still only one person physically) will have to put up with this.

I watched Polo Boys and The Pupil just now. Polo Boys was um, um. Yeah I can't really describe it. I bet it's gonna be a happy ending with the team defeating their arch-rivals. The Pupil was slightly better. Witty. I like witty shows. Adrian Pang and Janice Koh are awesome. And it was good to see Vadi once more, even if it wasn't in person. He reminded me of J1 econs lessons which were fun.

Listening to 'Love Hurts' by Incubus now. I remember you told me once long long ago that it was your favourite song.

2009-02-06T11:07:00.002+08:00

I found this on facebook. Looks interesting.

Level 1
( ) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(x) Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 1

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
( ) Been Dumped
( ) Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
( ) Been In A Fist Fight (hehe....)

SO FAR: 2

Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die (Are bugs counted?)

SO FAR: 5

Level 4
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 7

Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi (WHY IS THIS STUPID?!)
( ) Been Snowboarding
( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit (whoohooooo!)

SO FAR: 8

Level 6
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Liked/Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
( ) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 10

Level 7
( ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding (offroading)
( ) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 12

Level 8
( ) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 15

Level 9
(x) Watched The Sun Set
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 16

Level 10
(x) Been Tickled
( ) Been Robbed / Vandalized
( ) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 18

Level 11
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
( ) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 20

Level 12
( ) Had / Have Braces
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 20

Level 13
(x) Hated The Way You Look
( ) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 22

Level 14
( ) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 24

Level 15
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 29

Level 16
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls.
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 32

Level 17
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
( ) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 34

Level 18
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
( ) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 35

Level 19
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
( ) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins..

SO FAR: 36

Level 21
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 38

Level 22
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 40

Level 23
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
( ) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 41

Level 24
(x) Believed In Ghosts
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 43

Level 25
( ) Played Chicken
( ) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 44

Level 26
( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
( ) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 46

Level 27
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 51

Level 28
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 55

Level 29
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 59

Level 30
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
( ) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

TOTAL: 59

Repost this with the title:
I've done -- out of the 132 stupid things

2009-01-25T18:39:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone.

It's Chinese New Year's Eve today. Sometimes I can't believe that it's already 2009 time really seems to have flown by. Whether or not you do anything, time still continues to pass. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't accomplished anything of note since the A levels ended, which is why I still feel like I'm lost in transit. Without a ticket to anywhere.

Which is perhaps why I feel this flux of emotions; a mix of nostalgia, longing and regret whenever something associated with RJ comes along. It's probably because it's the last period where I actually lived life properly. I would give anything to be able to return to those days and study like a proper student should. Hindsight is the best cure for myopia, but the benefit of hindset will only set in when it's too late to make the change.

Happy Chinese New Year to all.

2008-12-10T10:54:00.002+08:00

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

It's strange how songs can be so apt. I used to laugh at people who had like songs they thought they could relate to and all that crap. What goes around comes around. :/

2008-12-04T23:54:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged in ages.

Everyday is just like any other. The noisy alarm rings in the morning and I drag myself out of bed and off to work. Yeah on Mon, Wed and Fri it's wakey wakey at 5:45 and on Tues and Thurs it's at 6:15.

So let's see. What do I accomplish every single bloody weekday? What do I handle that is of dire consequence or great importance? Well done Jack that's the correct answer. But I'm sorry with a meagre allowance of $420 a month I'm not going to be able to give you a prize. Perhaps a congratulatory pat on the back might suffice. Yes it's nothing. I can't really post anything too explicit so I'm holding back.

Yeah anyway they say it's good to be in the service side. After all, you can accomplish something during those 2 years. Pick up driving, go for classes and whatever. Yeah but somehow I've lost the impetus to even improve myself. The drive and desire to learn is gone. The Raffles environment was good because the competitive nature empowered us with a hunger. Well sort of anyway. Here, there is nothing. It's a festering environment. We all grow mould and rot. Because there is no need to grow. There is no need to sharpen one's mind. There isn't even a need to train one's body.

I don't know how I'm going to survive the next 1 year 5 months.

I need out. Now.

2008-11-03T22:30:00.002+08:00

I watched High School Musical 3 recently. I always thought that the series was dumb. Then I saw the first one. I thought it was watchable. Then I saw the second one. Half-decent, I thought. Then I saw the third one. And I actually liked it. No wait I loved it.

The whole bloody show is so cheery. I mean when the characters break into song and dance at every opportunity, how can you not be affected. Yes I know it's fake and high school is nothing like this. And there's no damn plot. But it's good wholesome fun. And the songs are catchy. Like wow. Too bad there weren't subtitles. I think I could have sung along too.

Hahaha.

By the way I have to learn how to better manage my finances. I just blew 100 on Friday. 27 for class lunch, 12.50 for the cab to the cage, 16 for the game and 30 for drinks that night with Long Kuan. And that's not counting all the miscellaneous expenses like bus rides, train fares and food. It seems that I spent much less back in school.

2008-10-24T23:57:00.002+08:00

China covered up milk scare to protect Olympics.

AVA has instructed importers and retailers to withdraw all Malaysia—made Julie’s brand of biscuits from the shelves

Nissin Cup noodles from Japan recalled -- due to insecticide contamination. LATEST.

Looks like nothing much can be eaten these days. Used to think that it was just products from China but seems like other countries are catching up. Milk, chocolate candy, biscuits & now...CUP NOODLES. now that's serious... cup noodles are definitely one of the essential items in an NSF's bunk cupboard haha... how to pass 5 days in camp w/o them hais.... well other brands will do i suppose...Nissin Tom Yam has been my favourite for the past 3 months though.

Was reading an article about capitalism & the global financial turmoil in the Economist in camp and I was thinking... the recent string of food product scares are definitely a direct consequence of capitalism and profit maximisation... the economic concepts widely acknowledged, practiced and taught in the developed world for years. Well...we do learn about limitations and costs of capitalism but have been taught that its benefits greatly outweigh its costs. After all that has happened around the world in recent months, I feel that perhaps the negative impacts of capitalism are underrated. Human lives are lost, young infants develop kidney stones and all these covered up to create a mirage of prosperity & granduer at the Olympics. Economically sound, ethically unsound, i would say. Looks like SARS lesson hadnt been learnt apparently...

Oh well... 2008 is coming to a close, & my silbings start their December Hols. Yes yes today's their last day of school.... argh... how i miss student life... with all the student discounts/meals/holidays & of course classmates & friends. 12 Months & 15 days to ORD! Lets all hope for a better 2009 ahead!

goodness...almost felt like an Auspicium Melioris Aevi ending.... oh well read that RJ & RI are merging to well...RI. dun really know how i feel about it myself, but it didnt feel like much of a difference to me i suppose....

2008-10-24T17:05:00.002+08:00

They don't make songs like these anymore.

'If' by Bread

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

No. Instead they make songs like 'Dangerous' by Akon and Kardinal. That song is the worst song I've ever heard. In fact it's so bad I love to sing it. Because I know how I ruin songs when I sing it. Thing is that song can't be ruined. It's too bad. It's too dangerous. HAHAHA. Ok pardon me.

2008-09-28T22:45:00.002+08:00

Today was a good day. Went biking with Chew Zhaoying today. Borrowed his foldable Halfway bike. The bike's really called Halfway and I think it's because once you fold it it becomes half the size. Hahaha. Ok that was lame-ass.

Anyway today's 2 hour plus bike trip revived the cyclist in me. Yup I've forgotten how much I love cycling. The Halfway bike was smooth no doubt, but it didn't have like the rough and tough qualities of my old bike. (which by the way is one wheel into the scrapheap no doubt thanks to its faulty chains and rusted exterior) Even cycling across cobbled streets proved to be a challenge. And the seat was a bloody rock my ass hurt pretty bad throughout the ride.

Contrast this with Chew's 440 dollar Giant bike. Frontal suspension and snazzy gears. Which proved to be completely useless as Superman flew off his bike on the way to Jurong East. Just in case you're wondering he's all right though.

Anyway I know how much I've been talking about stuff that I want and how they never materialise. Well I need a new bike. Mountain bike with frontal/double suspension. Well to be honest I'd prefer it to be darn light but bikes like that usually cost heavy. 1K plus I think. And my budget is 300 plus. Haven't really seen any suitable candidates except one Polygon one at some shop near Bkt Timah. And it's not really in a nice colour. Red and white. Not too spiffy. Yeah probably going to go bike hunting soon.

Watched the F1 race just now. Well part of it. Watched the last few laps at home. 61 BLOODY LAPS AROUND THE SAME CIRCUIT. Full marks for creativity no doubt. Still, the cars are snazzy and well ok fine, they're cool to the max. I'm half tempted to buy an F1 car model and display it in my room.

And Alonso won hahaha. You know it's seriously a joke. All the hype about Felipe Massa being the favourite and boom he finishes 13th! Which is basically last since he's the last guy to finish (the rest all OUT) I think. No idea how he screwed up though I missed it.

All right that's all for now. FYI, I'm still waiting for people to offer to sell me their Pokemon cards.

2008-09-25T21:46:00.002+08:00

Amazing isn't it. 7 and a half years since this photo was taken. Sure brings back lots of memories. Looking at the photo, I'm suddenly transported back to pre-renovated, pre-snazzy, old-school (pardon the pun) Henry Park Primary. It's hard to imagine that many of my happy memories were encased in a dilipidated crumbling white container, a sorry excuse of a classroom no doubt, but it's true.
There's really nothing like being a kid without a care in the world.

If you discount the PSLE and well, trying to get his crush to like him back. Hahaha.

2008-09-20T17:31:00.003+08:00

The difference between OCTs and me lies in time and money. OCTs have too little time and too much money. I have too much time and too little money.

2008-09-14T15:28:00.003+08:00

Gosh boys never grow up.

Example one: Longkuan and I went to Raffles Place yesterday because he wanted to buy his comics.

Example two: I ended up buying Pokemon cards.

See after sending Constance off at the airport, which by the way was only attended by 2.5 people (Crunch and me and Longkuan but he only counts as half because Constance eloped to the departure hall before he could arrive tsk tsk I believe she should have waited just a bit more after all the dude took the trouble to cab down but oh well), me and Longkuan went to City Hall because he wanted to collect the comics he had reserved at Comics Mart. And I being bored, decided to ask the salesperson if he sold individual trading card game cards. You should have seen the look on his face when he asked what game and I replied Pokemon. Anyway I'm pleased because I got a couple of holos, 11 to be precise, at 50 cents each. Apparently he couldn't wait to get rid of them. What a steal for me.

If you all have old holographic Pokemon cards which you want to sell, please do not hesitate to contact me.

2008-09-10T14:58:00.001+08:00

HELLO. As you may have noticed my blog has changed. Miraculously shed its previous drab image of black and white and is now adorned with beautifully cut pictures. Aside from the fact that it looks a bit girly, I think it looks all righty. Hope Mervin Ang doesn't mind though. Hahahaha even though he hasn't blogged in ages. I haven't seen the dude in ages too. Gotta dig him up from the deep recesses of Stagmont one of these days.

There's your update baby. :)

2008-07-05T13:19:00.001+08:00

I need help with my tagboard. I keep getting screwy end products.

2008-06-25T20:49:00.003+08:00

Well my head hurts. I really hope it's not because the wires in my head are tangling up and untangling themselves in a fashion that would not only prove unsightly but also detrimental to my mental health. It comes from having nothing to do. And we all know that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Well not exactly in my case. My idle mind basically sends out welcoming signs to unwelcome things. I hope my resistance doesn't just crack and my mind doesn't get overwhelmed by the daily dose of unnecessary bombardation of nonsensical and illogical thoughts. And I really have to learn how to let go of thoughts; thoughts that don't matter, thoughts that are ridiculous and thoughts that are just plain energy-consuming. And I've got to stop beating myself up for things that've already happened; just because there's been a breach of the defences doesn't mean that I've got to reproach myself for it and batter it from the outside because that would just make things worse.

I suddenly remember a phrase that seems cliched but true. Ok I forgot the phrase. But the gist of it was that life is basically like this journey and that we gotta enjoy the ride. I haven't been enjoying it for the past few years and when I say I haven't been enjoying it, I mean that everything so far has been hazy and blurry and I don't really remember much about it. It's like my memory has been blurred out by things. And it's not a good feeling.

I've just got to remember to keep the big picture in mind, and the big picture involves not worrying about stupid and ridiculous thoughts.

2008-06-12T20:26:00.002+08:00

Well 10 June has come and gone. And it's now Private Phang to all of you. I remember Benny used to call me that all the time in Sec 2 and I didn't really think much of it since NCC gave us automatic promotion but apparently it isn't quite the same with the army.

BMT was basically a bitch. 'It's not what you leave behind, it's what you'll gain in the days ahead'. That's the slogan and well I don't feel too inclined to talk about it. Anyway it's well a bit sad that we didn't have a Passing Out Parade but rather a Passing Out Ceremony which basically was a huge euphemism for nothing at all.

Anyway here I am, at home now and basically revelling in the civilian life. Yeah and hopefully a class outing gets organised soon and I can see all the RJ people whom I surprisingly miss quite a fair bit.

Anyway Euro 2008 is finally here. Finally. Well the opening match was an absolute piece of crap. But recently the amtches have been getting better. I mean aside from me falling asleep (NS is seriously screwing up my body clock and the bloody lack of sleep isn't helping much) during the matches.

2008-06-02T11:37:00.002+08:00

6 years in Raffles for nothing. Fuck.

Anyway I'm feeling really shitty now and all I have is 2 measly days of MC to give me temporary relief from the emotional pelting that NS has to offer me. I'm going back tomorrow morning. The doctor didn't even want to give me antibiotics for my flu and I had to practicallty wheedle with him to GET IT. Now I'm feeling sleepy and groggy and absolutely fucked-up.

Now I'm listening to 'Better Man' by Robbie Williams but to be honest no I don't feel that I'm even a decent man, not to mention a better one.

2008-05-18T12:57:00.002+08:00

I just read this article in todays' papers. You have no damn idea how much i miss reading. I've been so out of touch with the world that I didn't even know about the earthquake and cyclone. But anyway there was this article about fidelity and I thought it was interesting. And that the writer Chua Mui Hoong proved why the hell she's a senior editor by constructing a logical and scintillating piece of writing that made for interesting reading.

See basically the article revolves around the topic of men straying and whether or not it's an unavoidable force of nature or rather a permission of the will. And basically she came to the conclusion that while men are biologicall more susceptible to flings and straying, it is ultimately dependant on the individual's willpower.

Apparently men are more likely to stray simply because men can have millions of sperm and a woman can only have one egg at a time. And let's not forget that it's the women who get pregnant and has the responsibility of bringing up the kid while the men can just go on sowing more wild oats. And taking into account societal factors, it is somehow more acceptable for men to sleep around than women, for phildandering males are more often labelled as 'studs' while women are labelled as 'sluts'. Oh look that rhymed guess I still have a thing for rhyming. Anyway this just goes to show why it's much more likely for men to stray than women.

THIS HOWEVER, IS NOT A PRE-WRITTEN EXPLANATION FOR MYSELF AND IN NO WAY IS THIS AN INDICATION OF ANY POTENTIAL ACTIONS I MAY UNDERTAKE.

Good now that I have made myself clear, I fully agree with Chua's theory that it is ultimately a matter of choice. After all no one can physically force you to have an affair if you don't want to. And while men always tend to look at attractive women (yes all you guys who are reading this better admit it you bloody liars), it's one thing to steal a glance at the hottie walking past and another to really go and try to pick her up while your girlfriend is there. The reason why most of us (guys) don't attempt the second option is because we are not filandering fuckers :) I purposely switched the 'p' and the 'h' for extra effect haha.

Now that I'm done expressing my views for the first point of the day, I'm thinking if it's worth my effor to talk about how I feel about the little green men. And the answer is no. Hahaha.

Toodles.

2008-05-01T13:14:00.002+08:00

Labour day marks the start of the 5th month of the year and it has already been close to 4 months since i joined the army. that makes 18 months left. now that my signals course is ending in slightly more than 1 week, i once again await another posting order to decide which unit i will be going to. i suppose that will be the place i will stay at till Nov 09 ORD. miss my RJ friends, BMT friends, and gonna miss my SI friends too.

people are just going everywhere and it is hard to keep track of the whereabouts of everyone. i suppose some of us will just lose contact and bump into one another at some random supermarket 20 years later with our already-grown-up kids, like our parents do...

Moving on
It is my time.
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first a little bit
But now I'm so over
I'm so over it..

-

2008-04-27T11:40:00.002+08:00

Now that phang is off to tekong chalet aka BMT, that leaves me to keep this blog going. not that i have alot of time to do so, given that i only have weekends off. this weekend was practically gone for me as i had NUS law school interview and essay test on Saturday and Sunday respectively. The interview went horrendously where my arguments against prostitution sounded really weak, and most were swiftly rebutted by the two law professors.

today's essay test was ok i guess and i met so many of my old friends there. looked like competition is gonna be stiff...

oh well so we'll see what happens...in a few days.

2008-04-24T11:23:00.001+08:00

Don't you worry about the distance, I'm right here if you get lonely. :)

2008-04-22T11:19:00.002+08:00

HEYYY I realised that I haven't blogged in ages. And soon I won't be able to blog anymore. Reverting back to old school cool, seeing as how I've decided to change the song back to the good old 'Hey There Delilah'. Nothing to tug at heartstrings more than an accoustic performance and a sincere voice that everyone can relate to.

Shucks sometimes I wish you wouldn't be so quick-tempered. Haha gosh I can't believe your only reason for going back to SC was that I'm sooo hurt :( Your mum's correct in saying that I shoudln't spoil you too much. But never mind haha I like spoiling you :)

It's Tuesday already. Seeing as how there's not much time left before any semblance of my social life is about to be sucked into the green and black camo abyss that MINDEF so gladly creates for innocent 19-year old males, I'm going to do a tribute to all my wonderful classmates today. A few words, which probably will include expletives, to sum up my feelings for them.

First up, it's got to be the two of them! THE THREE MUSKETEERS. Though they probably never accepted the stupid nickname I came up for us. I can't believe that we were the only 3 buggers who willingly and consistently sat in the front row for the whole of 2007. Yeah it was always me at the extremem left position closest to the door (which makes going to the toilet) and the window (which makes perving) all the more easier. Anyway yeah I've probably these two guys to thank for maintaining my sanity. Ok so we weren't exactly model students, what with me always daydreaming and not concentrating, Longkuan always doing Chem during Econs and Lit during Chem and what not and Linus stoning there twirling his pen and sometimes blatantly sleeping. But anyway it was fun. Well kind of. Knew that I always could count on the two of them to bail me out of whatever shit I got myself into. Well in the events that they couldn't (which was more often than not) they tended to get into the same situation as me hahaha. So thanks guys for being fucking good buddies. I just had to throw in the f word somewhere HAHAHA.

Yeah next is my good old friend Ranjani Rajandran or Crunch. Or whatever racist name you want to call her haha ok kidding. She's pretty much the one who drags me down to earth whenever I have random fantasies and um keeps me tethered to reality and for that I'm pretty grateful haha. Plus she's usually the first one I message whenever something happens. So yay for Crunch haha. The ironic thing is that I didn't like her at the start. I remember the first day of the new term and our resident genius here decides it would be a good time to pry open the lift doors on the 6th storey via our route to the 7th. Needless to say the lift didn't take kindly to being forced open and promptly hanged. AND JOLTED. Well now that I look at it I figure it's pretty much Crunch. To go 'what's up classmates' and do randomly stupid things haha.

And there's Lim Min. Well um what can I say. She's dependable, I mean I always used to take her notes to copy the stuff I missed out on in lectures. Plus she's pretty amusing sometimes with her flirty banter with Lin-AHEM. I mean hey every class has gossip right HAHA.

Right then there's Cheryl, my dirty-little-secret keeper haha. Yeah haha her pile of dirty laundry in my backyard is about a mile high haha but don't bother asking I won't tell. It's a secret hahaha. Anyway oh did I mention that she was supposed to be my girrrlfriend except for the fact that she thought I was gross. Hahaha well it was quite fun grossing her out with new stuff all the time anyway. BUT ANYWAY GET IT STRAIGHT PEEPS WE WERE JUST KIDDING. Haha yes I can totally see the number of potshots Lim Min's going to hurl in my direction after what I wrote above.

There's also muggy Constance. Never really talked much to her but I figure she's an enigmatic one. Always deep with new sayings. Plus she always did her homework. And whenever Lim Min didn't lend me her stuff, I always turned to Constance haha well well goes to show how reliable the second-row people are. A direct contrast to their male counterparts in the front row.

Uh huh and there's Chloe. Didn't really talk much to her at the start too but I figure she's pretty much the white version of Crunch. Haha ok girls just kidding don't take it to heart k. There's bread and butter, peanut butter and jelly and Chloe and Crunch. Whenever one of them insults me, the other is sure to compound my misery. Haha it's like one of them has the sword to stab me and the other's practically hovering around with a whole damn bottle of salt to dump into my wound. Hahaha but that said she gives pretty good advice too. Definitely one of the ones I'd think of first if I ever needed a good person to discuss matters with. Or a person to give me a damning pep talk.

Yeah and last but not least there's Tim. He's like MR HAPPY haha the dude wears a smile 24/7 on his face haha. Never fails to cheer people up with his lame jokes and bag full of magic tricks. Plus it's nice to have someone to complain about the antics of the fairer sex haha.

Wow this is one of the longer posts. Now before I start to feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I bet I got you there there weren't any tears in my eyes la hahaha, um I want to say that I don't want to say anything more haha.

2008-04-14T15:23:00.003+08:00

I realise I am quite a funny person. I find vulgarities very amusing ahaha. I basically find sentences intermitten with 'fuck', 'fucking' and 'fucked' very laughter-inducing. I have no idea why.

Anyway I had a very very very sweet dream last night. It felt so real. :)

2008-04-08T13:38:00.002+08:00

Wah siannn now nothing to do at home. I'm using my brother's new computer to blog and the keypad feels cool and soft to the touch. It's like my fingers are caressing the keys; they feel so smooth to the touch. Haha I sound like some pervert right.

2008-03-31T12:16:00.002+08:00

Watched Rule #1 yesterday. It was the first movie I've watched in a cinmea since last year's Pirates of the Carribean haha.

It was surprisingly decent. And not the usual ghost flick. I tell you the film screws with your mind. Basically the rule number one is that there are no ghosts in this world. Shawn Yue and Ekin Cheng play two detectives who are essentially paranormal investigators and they are supposed to investigate stuff about the supernatural. The thing is, they have to cover up their tracks and tell the public that there are no ghosts because if the public were to find out, chaos would ensue. Anyway basically there's this serial killer who got killed by Shawn Yue and his ghost decides to haunt him. The ghost possesses various people and shifts from body to body by contact. Thing is, once the ghost leaves a body the body becomes a shell.

I tell you it's seriously creepy when the dead person suddenly grabs the life person and the ghost shifts over. It's like aaahhh and I'm still kind of creeped out by it. Anyway it was interesting because we watched it at night and well when we left the cinema it was night and haha ok you get the idea.

2008-03-30T12:45:00.002+08:00

I think I'm becoming crazy; been listening to the same old song over and over again.

I think I'm really an introvert at heart. And I really think and feel a lot. Just that I don't show it.

2008-03-29T22:37:00.002+08:00

Mervin and I went for ACJC Funorama today. Personally I've never liked funfairs much and to be honest I still don't. Basically the day started with me sweating buckets. Recently I've been sweating like mad recently I have no idea. Actually I guess the word is 'perspiring'.

Anyway I met Mervin Ang first. Basically there were plenty of stalls selling food and all that. Anyway I wasted 10 dollars on this stupid haunted house which basically was nothing more than a black plastic bag draped LT. Complete waste of money haha. Mervin's sister and her friends were at the start of the line and they kept screaming like screwdrivers. Ok that's a ridiculous simile but the point is that they kept screaming. I didn't find it scary at all but I guess that was because I was at the back of the line so I already knew where the scary parts were from the way the girls were screaming.

Then after that we just went frolicking around in the rain. Ok I realise that sounds utterly stupid but it was raining at one point and we were kind of skipping for shelter.

You know they say AC is a brand and I agree with them. They have 'I LOVE AC' merchandise, ranging from files to notebooks and all that. I wanted to buy the 'I LOVE AC' T-shirt but unfortunately they didn't sell it.

2008-03-24T12:45:00.002+08:00

I just took an online personality test. It's called the Jung typology test and although it's not the real MBTI test (you have to pay to sit for that test and I sat for it before), I figure it should work. Anyway the results say that I am an ENFP, which surprises me to a certain extent since the last time I took the test in Sec 2, I was an introvert.

Anyway they profiled me as only being slighty extroverted and feeling, and moderately intuitive and perceptive. Which means I don't really sway to one side. Hmm.

2008-03-17T21:51:00.001+08:00

I haven't blogged for a long time. Not unless you count instances of 'copy-and-paste'. No mood to blog. I'm feeling pretty world-weary right about now.

2008-03-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

When you walk through the storm

Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

I still have yet to buy that 2005 European jersey.