'When we had so much in store, tell me what is it I'm reaching for.' This is a line from Leona Lewis' 'Yesterday'. And sometimes I do wonder just what we would be like now if we were still together. Would things be much better or would they have been as bad? It is of my opinion that with the your main source of stress gone, all the frustration that marred our last few months together would have evaporated with a simple 'time's up'. In many ways, it wasn't just your burden; I bore a lot of it as well. I thought I did a good job of sharing it with you but retrospect always brings new insights and now I can clearly see that that was as far from the truth as possible.

Maybe we'd have had many more outings like that Sentosa trip. The zoo, the bird park, musuems, overseas trips even. Unhampered by time constraints, we'd probably have had some well-deserved couple time together and that would have done wonders for our recuperation from the epic fights and arguments that threatened (and eventually did) to tear our relationship up. There's even the possibility that we would have had a second honeymoon period, only it would have been better because we would have been much closer. I still remember all the hopes and aspirations we had actually. How we talked about how we wanted us to be in the future.

No wonder Whittier says that of all the saddest words of tongue and pen, the saddest are 'what if'.

On a side note, the best place to belt out emo Chinese songs is not at karaoke but in the shower. It's difficult to capture the mood anywhere else.

Phang & Mervin

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