That's Life

Well my head hurts. I really hope it's not because the wires in my head are tangling up and untangling themselves in a fashion that would not only prove unsightly but also detrimental to my mental health. It comes from having nothing to do. And we all know that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Well not exactly in my case. My idle mind basically sends out welcoming signs to unwelcome things. I hope my resistance doesn't just crack and my mind doesn't get overwhelmed by the daily dose of unnecessary bombardation of nonsensical and illogical thoughts. And I really have to learn how to let go of thoughts; thoughts that don't matter, thoughts that are ridiculous and thoughts that are just plain energy-consuming. And I've got to stop beating myself up for things that've already happened; just because there's been a breach of the defences doesn't mean that I've got to reproach myself for it and batter it from the outside because that would just make things worse.

I suddenly remember a phrase that seems cliched but true. Ok I forgot the phrase. But the gist of it was that life is basically like this journey and that we gotta enjoy the ride. I haven't been enjoying it for the past few years and when I say I haven't been enjoying it, I mean that everything so far has been hazy and blurry and I don't really remember much about it. It's like my memory has been blurred out by things. And it's not a good feeling.

I've just got to remember to keep the big picture in mind, and the big picture involves not worrying about stupid and ridiculous thoughts.

Well 10 June has come and gone. And it's now Private Phang to all of you. I remember Benny used to call me that all the time in Sec 2 and I didn't really think much of it since NCC gave us automatic promotion but apparently it isn't quite the same with the army.

BMT was basically a bitch. 'It's not what you leave behind, it's what you'll gain in the days ahead'. That's the slogan and well I don't feel too inclined to talk about it. Anyway it's well a bit sad that we didn't have a Passing Out Parade but rather a Passing Out Ceremony which basically was a huge euphemism for nothing at all.

Anyway here I am, at home now and basically revelling in the civilian life. Yeah and hopefully a class outing gets organised soon and I can see all the RJ people whom I surprisingly miss quite a fair bit.

Anyway Euro 2008 is finally here. Finally. Well the opening match was an absolute piece of crap. But recently the amtches have been getting better. I mean aside from me falling asleep (NS is seriously screwing up my body clock and the bloody lack of sleep isn't helping much) during the matches.

6 years in Raffles for nothing. Fuck.

Anyway I'm feeling really shitty now and all I have is 2 measly days of MC to give me temporary relief from the emotional pelting that NS has to offer me. I'm going back tomorrow morning. The doctor didn't even want to give me antibiotics for my flu and I had to practicallty wheedle with him to GET IT. Now I'm feeling sleepy and groggy and absolutely fucked-up.

Now I'm listening to 'Better Man' by Robbie Williams but to be honest no I don't feel that I'm even a decent man, not to mention a better one.