That's Life

Today, I will introduce you to a powerhouse in the complex world of junior college politics. Affectionately known as the Paramount Leader by his allies, his mere presence commands respect from his underlings and strikes fear into the heart of his enemies. Fair and just, the Paramount Leader is known for his no-nonsense attitude, often believing that the best way to deal with traitors is immediate impalement. However, as Jose Mourinho once said, 'Envy is the gun of the weak', many incompetent fools have decided to pit themselves against him and due to such circumstances, he has been forced to retreat to the mountains where he is now currently planning how to physically right the wrongs done to him.

Over the course of this week, I managed to get an exclusive interview with him via email. Unfortunately, he only managed to answer 2 questions before enemy fire struck again and he was forced to flee. His answers were nevertheless well-constructed and comprehenesive and I am sure that they provide a meaningful insight into his life - the duty, power and troubles.

1. Please give us a detailed account of your days hiding in the mountains and the hardships and tribulations that you face.
I had reached that stage in the mountains when mi instinct alerted me that I might die. Sooner or later, I would die. The horror! I just hoped to hell that it would not be too painful. But I did not fear for one moment that I would snap. I just felt that I would be shot sooner or later. But to the extent of emotional snappage, no. I see Kundamenes (who had joined me on Mt. Kunda) getting killed all around, dae after dae, continuing on and on- without knowledge of when this might end. Is dis going to go on for eternal? Will I be able to return to Kundagrad again? For the Leader, there is the additional burden of constantly deciding on matters under fire, under the hellish conditions of insufficient sleep and food. Combat is a world of madness. Perfect strangers are going to great lengths to kill You; far from being punished for murder, if thae succeed, thae will be rewarded, honoured, celebrated. In combat on the mountain, I stae underground during the dae and fight at night. Good health is virtuallee extinct; trench feet, pneumonia, diarrhoea and minor wounds are constant companions. Even survival is a chore...

2. Being the Paramount Leader, one obviously has no doubts that as all great leaders do, you must have your critics. Kindly name a few of these treacherous foul fiends and the evil deeds which they have done, followed by your plans to deal with them.
Being the Paramount Leader that I am, I haf no doubts at all about the nature of power and how u maintain ur grip on it.There are two fools in current foreign exile that the KGB is unable to get its hands on. One of them, HOW BING HONG, delights in satire and insults of the Paramount Leader, Kunda Prime, the Paramount Leader, Kundaism and theParamount Leader again. His main act is to pose as a Kmacht conscript on innocent bystanders' tagboards, spouting a whole lot of shit until the real Conscript shows up and gifs him a run for his money. (That S.O.B frequents the alias of Phang and Conscript in an attempt to discredit us but what that cretin does not realize is that readers are intelligent enough to ascertain that a dark force was responsible for these misdemeanours.) Last but not least, is W.Y. Lim. The Paramount Leader has sworn to shoot him personally. Lim is the mastermind of countless anti-kunda plots and is alwaes game to participate or offer assistance to rebels and traitors. His motivation is unknown. However, the KGB would hardly care about his motivation once they catch him and throw his ass into tough jail for dissenters.

P.S Spelling errors in this article are due to the Paramount Leader